Three more movies nobody really seems to care about finish off January’s wide releases this weekend, all of which seem to be mostly focused on the male end of the movie-goer spectrum.
Hansel and Gretal: Witch Hunters
Trailer:
Once upon a time, Jeremy Renner wasn’t a star in three hot franchises – Bourne, Mission Impossible, and The Marvel Cinematic Universe. Once upon a time, in 2011, amidst who knows how many other modern retellings of classic fairy tales, this movie began filming. Pushed back multiple times, it’s finally hitting theaters tomorrow.
A Van Helsing meets The Brothers Grimm kind of movie, this is an incredibly historically inaccurate tale of the famous brother and sister duo, Hansel, (Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton). They’re all grown up and make a living killing of witches with a variety of complex steampunk weaponry and expletives. Of course, as the trailer implies, something major is going down in the witch world, and these two are caught in the middle of it. I’ll admit, part of me thinks it looks kind of fun, in a mindless kind of way, but if I ever eventually see it, I’ll probably regret it.
Movie 43
A modern day Kentucky Fried Movie, Movie 43 is a collection of highly offensive, line-crossing sketches boasting what could very well be the biggest cast of well known talent in a movie, ever. Seriously, who isn’t in this movie? Hugh Jackman? Nope, he’s in it. Uma Thurman, Chloe Moretz, Elizabeth Banks? Yeah, them too. Justin Long, Liev Schreiber, Tony Shaloub? Mhm. I’m not going to list the entire 40+ stars (none of whom seem to be promoting this movie…hmm…) but you can see the full cast here. It’s probably funny if this is your kind of thing, but the fact that after the four years it took to make this movie, it’s relegated to January with no critic’s screenings and almost zero promotion might tell you something about what to expect.
Parker
Trailer:
Parker (Jason Statham) is a thief with a conscience who is after the real bad guys who double crossed him and don’t have consciences. Sound familiar? Then again, you go into a Jason Statham movie pretty much knowing what you’re getting into, which can be a good thing. This one looks more or less middle of the pack, so you might as well rewatch one of his better ones, like The Transporter.
Also starring Jennifer Lopez, and “that guy” Michael Chiklis, the few reviews in so far are negative, but Statham is going to have to something really original before any critic is going to give him a second glance again anyway.
So, any of those options sound appealing?
Film Hamster 